OfF Course

OfF Course is about of course I went off course. It is a triptych showing my course of life.

The first image/panel

Always spring

My early childhood years were great. Thinking back, it feels like it was always spring. Clear blue skies, fresh strawberries from the garden every day.
My mother encouraged my creativity and my personality, in every possible way.
Being different was considered wonderful; I “added colour to a somewhat grey world”.
Now, at a later moment in live, I realise those first few wonderful years, turned out to be a very strong base. A base I could fall back on, and rebuild a beautiful life.

The second image/panel

One day, spring suddenly ended

My life turned upside down and my mother disappeared. She became someone I didn’t recognise. Her first suicide attempt, was surreal. Years later, after more attempts and moments of hysterical happiness, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We had many turbulent years ahead of us.
But the real downside of it all, was that we were forced to live with our father, who was a stranger to me. And I was too weird to him. Being forced to call someone else mother, someone who tried to force me to be ‘normal’ turned me into a rebel. I tried to comply to avoid pointless discussions, but that became more and more difficult.
Spring was not coming back, during the rest of my childhood and I missed it dearly.

The third image/panel

Spring once again

The seeds my mother planted during my early childhood, turned out to be of great quality. I was supposed to go of to study something fancy, but I was longing to get to (re)know myself again. I wanted to figure out, who I was and who I wanted to be(come).
I started to travel and move away from the situation that was negative and holding me back. New surroundings and new people created a lot of opportunities for me, to really look at myself. Things started kind of clicking, and it felt I was rebuilding my truer me, using a lot of ingredients from my early childhood, mixed with my new experiences, living abroad.
A new, more peaceful era started. An era with a lot of space for new experiences. A life that truly suits me. I am grateful for those early childhood years.